How are you connecting with people? Are you meeting them where they are at? Are they meeting you where you are at? Are you trying to change them or their situation? Are they trying to change you or your situation? Did you connect through joy? Are you connected through pain?We can find ourselves subconsciously connecting to others through our pain & brokenness. When we are talking about & reliving our past problems we are usually not in a state of joy & happiness. More often than not we are encountering yet another problem & because we haven’t healed from our previous pain & trauma it all resurfaces. We then attract others who are broken & in pain. Misery really does love company. If you look at your connections what is the underlying theme? I noticed that when I was truly done with all the petty drama, the connections I had that offered that, fell away from my life. I was naturally repulsed by it. Even though I cared about those people I genuinely couldn’t stand to be around the drama & so I removed myself peacefully & calmly. I felt guilty at first because I didn’t know what was happening & I prided myself on my loyalty to people. I felt like I was being disloyal because they hadn’t actually done anything to me. I barely see them now & I actually made new connections based on where I was currently at.
What I didn’t know at the time was that some people are only meant to be in your life for a certain time. We actually block ourselves from healing & progressing a lot of the time by hanging onto connections way past their sell by date because of fear, loyalty, dependency & more.
You have to let people deal with things their way. Just because you wouldn’t/didn’t do it that way or don’t understand the way in which they are handling something doesn’t mean it is wrong. Everyone has their own path & that’s ok. Also be mindful when you are voicing your opinion on something someone else is doing. A lot of times we want the best for someone & will say when we notice something “negative” without actually being asked our opinion. I definitely struggled with this however now I do not say anything unless I am asked or unless I think it is a major red flag which can be detrimental to their life (i.e. abuse), and it has saved me so much stress. We can sometimes be more passionate about a situation that we believe needs changing than the person who is actually in the situation. Remember we all have a choice & sometimes people pull away because we are trying to change them or their situation and they actually don’t want to change it. We are not accepting where they are at or who they are at that present time & they, the person who we think has the issue, actually withdraws from us as a result! What we often fail to realise at the time is that we were the problem in that situation. We were the ones stressed or angry fighting to change something we viewed as wrong whilst the other person was happy to do nothing but whinge about it. 9/10 times they didn’t even ask for our opinion let alone our help.
When you meet people where they’re at & connect through joy rather than pain, it completely transforms your relationships. None of you are trying to change each other & you aren’t consciously/subconsciously hanging onto the pain of your past. We are simply being our truest self in the current moment & holding space for others to do the same. If their truest self at the present time isn’t someone who your truest self at the present time can connect with, that is ok. Don’t force the connection simply because at some point in the past you connected. A lot of the time our past connections were made through pain & once that story is gone you may find that there isn’t actually anything else connecting you. Don’t feel bad if you are now more distant with someone you were once very close with. You may still have a connection with them but now that you’re meeting them where they are currently at, you may realise for example, that you previously invested a lot of time into trying to change them or their situation but now that you aren’t, you don’t see them as often & you aren’t as close. That too is ok.
Think about all the relationships you have including family, and ask yourself what you spend the majority of the time discussing/doing with them. This should give you an idea as to the current status of the relationship & you can decide how you want to proceed going forward.
CHARMED RELAXATION 