I don’t want to be good. To me being good is synonymous with being boring.
I was watching vampire diaries and I was team Damon and team Catherine from the very start. Catherine as my sister so eloquently put it was “just a bitch” and honestly that was what I liked. Both her & Damon wanted what they wanted and they were both honest about it. Anything that got in their way had a tendency to be collateral damage and I could see how.
The other characters were more “good” such as Stefan to start with and I could see how his character would be more universally accepted. The thing is though just because someone is “good”, it doesn’t mean they are being authentic. Catherine & Damon were true to who they were. They didn’t suppress their desires or lie about who they were. They didn’t feel ashamed when people called them all the names under the sun and they would own their shit.
As the seasons went on you understood them more but I didn’t need all of those seasons to like them. I honestly liked them from the start. It made me realise though that a lot of people today hate anything authentic if it isn’t what they consider to be “good”.
I read a tweet a long time ago that said there is no such thing as a good person and it was saying to drop the “good girl” act. It really made me think and I realised that I was definitely guilty of living the “good girl” act. I had a fire inside me that I was constantly suppressing because I wanted to be “good” and as a result I wasn’t always being authentic. I was choosing what other people perceived as good over being true to myself and it was hell! I was constantly fighting my natural desires.
When I watch tv shows I am always drawn to the characters that most people initially dislike – the bad guys, the bitches, the wrong-uns. I realise now though that I always pick the authentic ones and actually they are usually the most honest characters. I typically pick the characters that I see myself in and since I stopped with the “good girl” act I can easily admit that.
When you are authentic it doesn’t mean that you don’t care. It simply means you are true to and honest with yourself. You can still be loyal to others, and I’ve actually found that most authentic people are very loyal, to whoever they consider as family, be it blood related or not.
The funny thing is, I have always hated liars and “good” people lie the most! They aren’t authentic because most authentic people are ostracised by society and most people want to fit in. To be authentic you have to be truthful with yourself and most people lie to themselves. “Good” people have the least amount of fun because they suppress their desires. They can’t be honest about what they truly want because they think they will “look bad” or people will judge them. The thing is people will still judge you regardless, especially if you’re a woman, so you may as well start being honest with yourself.
I love music and I think you can learn a lot about people from the songs they like/listen to. If I had to pick a song to describe myself, then because I know I’m a paradox and I happily accept who I am, I would chose the chorus from Bitch:
“I’m a bitch, I’m a lover, I’m a child, I’m a mother, I’m a sinner, I’m a saint. I do not feel ashamed! I’m your hell, I’m your dream, I’m nothing in between, you know you wouldn’t want it any other way.”
Let me know what song lyrics you would pick to describe yourself with and are you Team Good or Team Authentic?
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